efficacy

This one's about how sometimes you want to give everything you have to a certain person, but for some reason, something is just holding you back; complications that relationships have or just demons you have to face on your own before you can allow yourself to really let someone have the best of you. It's about not really being sure whether or not you're strong enough for what is to come.

Excuse me if my poetry is like prose, I know my literary attempts are sloppy, but I've been out of the game for a while. I'm just trying to get back to writing cause it's one of the only things that ever gave back what I put into it.

Come here baby

kiss me like crazy,

then go away.

Don't give in

I can't give my all,

or promise to stay.

I want to be the strength

that supports you now,

but where am I to go-

When you can't be here

and all I have are fears,

that are hard for me to show.

Leave it to me

to figure what we'll be,

I just need a bit of time.

Whether to waste or gain

I'll draw back and aim,

this disposition of mine.

So come here baby

kiss me like crazy,

and whisper in my ear.

Be the efficacy that I need

for my securities to feed,

and face what may appear.

beenawhile.

so i figured i'd write in here since i haven't done it in a while and never really got into it. first off, i miss hawaii. second, i want to go home. third, i'd feel like a failure if i did. i'm here in anaheim, i've been excited about it for months, and now that i'm going into my third week here, it's becoming more and more apparent of how different it is. no family and no true friends around, i really fucken miss home to be blunt. i miss the beach and the warmth and humidity. i'm going crazy without the salt water and nothing is familiar here. maybe i'm not liking it that much up here because i actually left for the wrong reasons. who knows, but i'm going mad, and that's all that i can say. i've been calling my dad every night, but i still miss him terribly, and i miss my rust bucket of a 4runner that couldn't make it over 40 up hill flooring it. okay, i've had enough complaining for now, i'm gonna call it a night.

Check Out My Girl

http://www.myspace.com/pantymeltah

My friend made a new myspace page for her music, go check it out. I helped her make it, so you better like it.

My Sweet Ride and Digs

So I have a car that excretes rust if you slam the doors, needs to have it's radiator filled every other time I drive it, and a room I pay rent for $650 a month that has leaking windows and no Internet. I could buy another car, and I could rent out another place, but the truth is that I tend to love things that don't work perfectly. I love that which is flawed- it makes life interesting. There's something about things that take a little extra work that make you appreciate them a bit more, I've realized that. The same goes for grades that have room for improvement, a job you can complain about, and even a shitty relationship you know you should get out of. Life isn't about the perfect finished product, but instead the effort we put into what we care about. If things are perfect all the time, you're stuck and unable to go anywhere, and I always feel the need to go places. I need to struggle to feel like I'm getting anything done, I used to fight it, but now I accept it. You never realize how much you should love something unless you have to fight for it, and I am definitely a fighter.

What's Your Top Ten Most Embarrassing Favorite Songs?

Everyone has their favorite songs that they're embarrassed to admit they like. I'm taking the initiative to come clean and fully admit that yes, I do like these songs, and no, I'm not (that) embarrassed. It's just that I know that people will make fun of me for liking these songs, but that's okay, I'm not gonna pretend like I don't like them...

1) Love fool by The Cardigans
My siblings and I used to spend summers by the pool listening to this song, it reminds me of my childhood- and a hilarious The Office episode.

2) Brandy (You're a Fine Girl) by Looking Glass
This one's not too embarrassing, but it was my mother's favorite song for a while, and that in itself is shameful just because my mother likes it.

3) Sexual Healing By Marvin Gaye
I have about five different versions of this song on my ipod, I really don't know why I like it so much- it just gets to me!

4) Baby Come Back by Halls and Oats
I always sing this song when I'm slightly intoxicated, it's simply a fun song.

5) Handy Man By James Taylor
I love James Taylor, and I'm not ashamed to say it, but I put this song on the stereo the other night and my guy friend gave me so much shit for it.

6) No One Else Comes Close by The Backstreet Boys
I never really liked this song all that much until my friend sang it at a bar once, he made it sound beautiful! By the end of the song, we were sitting in a room full of melted panties.

7) Digging on You by TLC
This one not only reminds me of my childhood, but my friend can sing this one beautifully as well. I know all the words.

8) Roxanne by The Police
I love The Police, but this one about a prostitute is my favorite. My friend and I rock out to it all the time, especially when we go cruising around in his car at night.

9) Boys in the Hood by Easy E
My high school friends and I used to feel so badass to this song when we were young, but looking back, I'm sure I looked like an idiot little asian girl jamming out to this one.

10) Barbara Ann by The Beach Boys
There was this movie I saw a long time ago, I think it was called surf ninjas or something, and there was a scene where a monk or some other character sang this, and I never forgot it. I remember what it was like to be a kid when I listen to this song.

Writer's Block

What I don't understand is why I can't write on command anymore. I used to be able to rock out five page papers in an hour, but now I'm stuck in this rut that clogs up my creative flow. When I write, I want to put at least a little bit of meaning or flair into each piece, but lately I feel like I'm writing papers that are unoriginal and boring to read. What's wrong with me? This feeling has been going on for a while now; even when I do feel like I'm going somewhere with a paper, it'll stop a few minutes later, and I'm stuck in that same rut. I was so excited to write my profile paper on an upcoming writer/director/editor/actor, and I was off to a good start, but every time I sit down to write more, I instantly hate it. I've tried just writing and allowing my words to flow out, but even then I get stuck and have a hard time finding the right words. All of my writings have been crap lately and I have no idea of how to fix this. I used to love writing and couldn't go a day without it, but now I'm finding myself going months without ever being truly happy with my work. Being too critical of my work has caused my grades to lower considerably, but I just can't bring myself to turn in such trash and having other people read it and think I'm an idiot and talentless writer. 

What happened to me?

Black Panty Woman

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ZwPHCTDnsE

Check out this vid.

This is the kinda shit that I have to deal with at work. Not a joke. These people are real, and actually dance like that- All. The. Time.
Their last name is elefante, and elks legend has it that he killed his two previous wives, but we don't know for sure. And the infamous "black panty" doesn't even make it's appearance until about 4 minutes into the clip.